Sparrow Widows Support: Empathy vs. Logic

Life will never be the same again

When the Corona virus pandemic hit South Africa in March 2020, we had less than 10 days to prepare for Lockdown. The shock, disbelief and fear were overwhelming. Suddenly, we were faced with a situation that would change our lives forever. Life will never be the same again. The loss of one’s spouse has a similar effect. Shock from the trauma, disbelief that he is gone and fear for the future are overwhelmingly difficult to confront. You do not need to make any long-term changes yet. Take one day at a time. Handle each day according to what that day presents. One task at a time. If a task or challenge is too overwhelming, set it aside for another day, Slowly, you will begin to work out a new routine, sometimes without even realizing it.

Parable:

Elaine's husband had left a life policy for which she was the sole beneficiary. The amount was fair and her payout offered her a comfortable lifestyle. Elaine was an empath, a soft-hearted soul who cared very much for the well-being of those around her. If she saw someone had a need, she wanted to fix it. If a child she barely knew, needed to raise funds for a school trip, she made a donation. If she saw hungry people, she would buy food for them. Such a kind person who put others before herself. Soon, people around her got the impression that this lady had inherited a fortune and came knocking at her door. Many took advantage of her kindness, asking for a loan which they never intended paying back. A few years later, Elaine found herself facing financial difficulties.

Pebble:

Many of us find it difficult to say “NO!”. We can be so easily persuaded by stories people tell. Be very careful. Don’t let anyone know what the value of your husband’s estate or policies were. Be incredibly intentional and smart with your money and resources to avoid waste. It is about prioritizing your spending on the things that matter most to you, and securing your financial future. Wise individuals plan and save for the future, while foolishness drains resources rapidly.

Scripture:

Proverbs 21:20: "The wise store up choice food and olive oil, but fools gulp theirs down." Proverbs 21:20

Prayer:

Lord God, I find myself in a position where people have taken me for granted and I have foolishly given beyond my means. Please forgive me for my foolishness and help me to recover that which was taken from me.

Starting a Widows Support Group.

When one begins the journey on the street called Widowhood, one finds it difficult to pick up passengers to travel with you. Soon one has a need to refuel. But where does one find a filling station. Family, friends, colleagues and even church members, cannot be expected to understand. They try. They want to support you, but how can they understand your inmost thoughts, when you are struggling to understand them yourself. There are many other widows who find themselves in the same situation. And this is why a support group is a great idea. Location and Age Group It is best to seek out widows who live in the same suburb as yourself. This makes getting together so much easier. If there is a community FaceBook or Whatsapp group covering your suburb, that is a good place to start. Local churches should also be able to provide some names. Decide on an age group. Over 60s, retired ladies, 50+, 40+, young ladies etc. First Get-Together Arrange a morning tea, or finger lunch. Your home could be suitable or choose a cozy place with no disturbances. A maximum of six ladies is a good number to start with. Serve tea and eats then sit down to chat in the group. Starting with yourself, allow each lady to give her name and some basic information about herself. Ask how long she has been a widow. Share your vision for the support group. As each lady to write down their full names, birth dates and cellphone numbers. Ask for one lady to hold then next meeting at her home. Second Get-Together Hostess to serve eats and refreshments. You will remain as Chairlady. This week’s discussion can handle topics like challenges faced in the past month, hobbies, birthplace etc. Anything of interest. Put each lady’s name in a “hat”. Let each one draw a name. Over the next month, she will be responsible to check up on that lady once a week, and take her out for a coffee date, before the next monthly meeting. This way, each lady will be cared for and will care for another, resulting in weekly contact with 2 other ladies. Do this every month so that the ladies get to know each other. Third Get-Together This is the ideal opportunity to go on an outing. Choose a coffee shop, restaurant of similar location where you can enjoy a light meal and are able to chat. Share transport and have each passenger contribute to petrol. Once again let the ladies draw a name to care for and be cared by during the following month. They must not draw the same name as previously. Continue with this for the first 6 months. It gives them the chance to get to know everyone and develop friendships. Some will become bosom buddies, others just general friends. Now they have at least 5 new friends who understand. Growth in Numbers Other widows will probably hear about your group. It’s best to remain with the first group of 6 or less for the first 3 months. Thereafter, others may be included but try not to reach more than 12 ladies in a group. Other Activities Picnics Walk on the beach Pottery class Theatre / Movie night Day Trips

Sparrow Widows Support

Life will never be the same again

Empathy vs. Logic

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