Dealing with Guilt

 As the initial shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or try to escape from it through work alcohol or drugs.

Parable:

My husband was not able to find a buyer for his business, before he died.  While experiencing the pain of losing him, I was having to contend with staff issues, potential buyers, lawyers, auditors and so on. 

My pain was soon replaced by guilt.  I was determined to rid myself of his business as soon as possible.  I did not want it, I did not want to contend with staff.  I just wanted to be left alone!  And then the guilt started to rise up, as I realized this business had been his dream.  For 15 years, he had lived for his work.  He hardly spoke of anything else.  He became well known in the industry.  He made a difference.  He loved it.  And now, here I was desperately wanting to get rid of his dream.  The guilt was like acid-reflux in one’s throat. 

Added to that guilt, were the thoughts that began to plague me.  Was I good wife?  Could I have been a better life partner for him?  All the things I did wrong.  Things I did that made him sad.

Pebble: 

Write any guilt feelings onto small pieces of paper, as you think of them.  Go and spend a few days at one of his favourite places.  (It’s fine to do this at home but most widows find that a quiet, secluded place worked better for them.)  The seaside, the mountains.. anywhere where you can be alone.  Work through these guilt feelings, one at a time.  Let them go and forgive yourself.  Then, when you have dealt with it, scrunch up the piece and paper and dispose of it.  Then accept that it is gone, it’s over.  Never allow yourself to feel guilty about it again.  Then move on to the next one.

Scripture: 

"Therefore, there is now condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

Prayer: 

Father God, thank You for Your forgiveness in Christ Jesus.  Thank You that You do not condemn me, even when I want to condemn myself.  As I deal with these feelings of guilty, I ask to experience Your perfect peace, as I release each one. In Jesus Name. Amen.